I lost a close friend and business partner in an unexpected, tragic, and very public way. One moment she was here — laughing, making plans — and the next, she was gone. That kind of loss doesn’t just break your heart. It rearranges every corner of it.
Grief has a way of stripping life down to its essence. It asks hard questions: What matters? Who do I want to be while I’m still here? What am I willing to stop pretending about?
For me, the answers came slowly, in layers. At first, there was only shock, only absence. But as the days stretched on, I noticed that grief wasn’t just shutting life down. It was also opening it up. Loss shows you the deepest corners of life — places you’d never choose to go — and yet, once you’ve been there, you can’t help but live differently. You feel more deeply, love more fiercely, and move through the world with more kindness, empathy, courage, and honesty.
The friend I lost was Anne Heche. She and I hosted a podcast together, and the last guest we ever interviewed was Martha Beck — a conversation about integrity and living your truth. I don’t think it was a coincidence. That conversation became a turning point for me, and Martha’s teachings not only helped me find a new path as a coach, but also carried me through Anne’s death. Looking back now, I see that as a gift.
Because Anne’s death was deeply public, I witnessed how grief collides with rumor and assumption. The false stories that followed taught me yet another redemptive lesson: when truth and compassion guide us, we don’t have to be defined by what others say — only by what is true and how we respond.
Anne lived with a courage and openness that challenged me daily, and even in her death, she continues to remind me: kindness is strength, integrity is freedom, love is never wasted, and fear should never have the final word.
Here’s what loss has taught me — not as lessons tied up in a bow, but as gentle reminders I return to again and again:
- Don’t rush through grief. It’s not something to get over; it’s something to walk through.
- Let it deepen you. Grief cracks us open so that more truth and tenderness can flow through.
- Love harder, now. The people still with us are the most urgent gift we’ll ever hold.
- Carry their light. Those we’ve lost live on through us — in the way we tell their story and in the way we love others because of them.
- Be fearless. Once you know life can change in an instant, you realize how little time there is for hesitation.
Loss has been one of my greatest teachers. Not because I wanted it, but because it showed me that life is meant to be lived more fully — not by gripping tighter, but by letting go of what doesn’t matter and leaning into what does. And if there’s one thing I now know for certain, it’s this: kindness is strength.
